Reddit Haikus

You'll never be caught
     with your pants down and your thumb
on Y or something.

The two are different.
     EVERYBODY GET DOWN, IT'S
THE GRAMMAR POLICE!

The man with the gun
     won't stop screaming that he is
going to kill me.

-liberals are pussies
     and hurt their own people by
criticizing them.

I can offer steam
     games, PM if interested.
You are my hero.

When the power goes
     out, cell service usually
lasts awhile longer.

Oh that's just Danielle.
     Thought this was trees. Got worried
you might get busted.

[deleted] My goal
     as of right now is to yes
to bulk up of course.

BUT that's how it works
     with people who contribute
to society!

Preferably don't, but
     if you are going to, grab
beside your front foot.

I wouldn't say you
     were like, a smoking babe but
you are attractive.

As soon as she said
     ecstasy, I was almost
completely turned off.

If he would have killed
     Walter, Jesse would have been
the last man standing.

it's not like i can
     get it glued back on, so get
the fuck over it.

Third, yes, the high will
     be shorter, but you won't be
as burned out either.

(totally not real,
     just posting the scariest
thing i could think of!

the link is in OP's
     post This post isn't feeling
funny anymore..

Not prissy Ryan
     Reynolds as Hal Jordan. Right,
I understand that.

Same difference, really.
     Everything will be fine by
the end of the week.

We'll have to see if
     more information comes out
in the next few days.

I honestly feel
     like this is fake or just not
the whole truth. Still counts!

You still rock my world.
     Double edged sword though. I don't
know about this one.

She never told me
     she was on her period.
That kind of killed it.

This one was funny.
     Punchline is in the title.
You are a moron.

A friend of mine eats
     pizza with thousand island
dressing and ketchup...

The past few years they're
     on the up and up but past
years haven't been so.

The only place I've
     ever seen a rat indoors
is in the subway.

I am tired too.
     Wanna come to bed with me?
Probably smell or taste.

Sorry my phone freaked
     and posted before I could
finish the title!

Have patience. It takes
     years to even *start* looking
how you want to look.

[deleted] Mine does
     this while I'm mowing the grass...
asshole dog. Thanks man!

I seriously
     don't know how she could survive
the next episode.

once to a man who
     had been known to sleep with her.
Sadly, he was not.

When I cut my hair
     into the bob, I wasn't
yet growing it out.

Its just so easy
     and depending on the cut,
cheap to buy some beef.

Although that alone
     doesn't make a great novel,
I really liked it.

When you rage, you lose.
     So don't. It will also bring
about your wisdom.

Obviously you
     DON'T understand, because that's
not what it's doing.

Not Russian! I laughed
     way harder than I should've...
Tonight, my heart broke.

Masquerade! You can
     fool any friend who ever
knew you! [Have a hug.

I am now laid up
     with injuries from falling
down a flight of stairs.

So and So, but it's
     just not that complicated.
Draw a face on it.

I hope she doesn't.
     Edit: For the record, Bill
HAS seen the true death.

See what loads in what
     order and how long it takes.
Maybe it's just me.

It's the only good
     part of Rush Hour, and I've been
using it for years.

If you dig around
     you can find better deals on
parts from smaller stores.

Do you know ANY
     history of the early Church
at all? I doubt it.

Your user accounts
     generally include "buddhist".
Are you a Buddhist?

Seems to me I keep
     seeing comments that are based
on Oregon law.

That's what it sounds like,
     and you know what that sounds like
to me, as a man?

Can I just ask where
     on earth you work that doesn't
let you cut your hair?

I'm glad I see now
     how his character can be
improved upon. Thanks.

Something can be both
     art and vandalism. Oh.
Heh. I uh... Sorry.

It's a character
     gen tool for m &
m and it's awesome.

Beautiful. I want
     to marry you and have you
babies (I am male).

For today, I am
     DEFINITELY an addict.
[Gets me every time.

I've always wanted
     to ask, how do your folk keep
from getting dizzy?

Why? If they are ill,
     they need help and compassion,
not hate and murder.

It's a series or
     rules and conditions that will
blindly be followed.

But you have to be
     smart, and know exactly what
you're getting in to.

I'm just going by
     my own common sense, though. That...
that's a car?! Fuck, man.

I wouldn't say it's
     bad, it was still a great game,
but it's not ideal.

Two can enjoy it!
     The tension rises. Yes. Yes.
Ah, yes. Oh, yes. Yes!

Once a winner had
     been decided, only two
survivors were left.

I personally can
     never justify paying
the extra for one.

I absolutely
     concur with all the other
"wow" and "whoa" comments.

Rune and gem mining
     are both very efficient
ways to make money.

I would say for you
     to do what I did and try
to make your own sieve.

Don't kid yourself, she's
     morally bankrupt and there's
no way around that.

And that makes them "great"
     artists in a way, whether
you like it or not.

For instance, "during
     puberty you will get some
hair under your arms.

Personally I don't
     think this is really the best
song on the album.

She and I painted
     together and she showed me
how to do it right.

[deleted] GODDAMN
     RIGHT Capitulated? No,
they just stopped posing.

Hopefully I can
     find something in Manhattan.
I'll look into that!

But it doesn't say
     the sun "is the most round thing
in the universe".

When I'm with mum, you're
     constantly wondering what
I'm up to with her.

Its not *my* version
     at all, I'm just saying you
ought to learn some more.

How long you known him?
     How long has this sexual
tension been building?

For the love of glob
     keep that away from paste or
you'll kill us all. this.

If you land a coin
     on the bottom platform you
get a free taco.

This is no mother.
     This is a monster. To be
honest, i'm not sure.

People that say "You
     must be fun at parties" are
not fun at parties.

During the death watch
     these inmates get pretty much
whatever they want.

Letterman has no
     idea how hybrid cars
work, apparently.

Reverse reactions.
     Sincerely, Pensacola
A million times this.

See, I didn't see what
     OP was implying until
I read your comment.

I tend to remain
     fairly modest and discreet
about my sex life.

I mean, honestly.
     Will you still be my friend if
I become a man?

Most men are rarely,
     if ever, presumed to be
women by default.

You've opened your home
     up for him and you have tried
to be supportive.

Have you read it all?
     Yeah, I've not said anything
about mass murder.

ammo just in case
     dumb people wanna try while
cops are distracted.

If you can't see that,
     then you are thinking about
sports completely wrong.

Rival group? SOMETHING.
     Maybe he's a fucked up cop?
Bathtub full of men.

Maybe he's a fucked
     up cop? Bathtub full of men.
Where do I sign up?

Oh "And in the vault
     the overseer never
let us blow things up.

thanks for the release,
     premature or otherwise.
y'all do great stuff here.

but now he just sounds
     like a fucking crybaby
You're doing it right.

I feel like you are
     putting a wedding on some
sort of pedestal.

Let me know if you
     have any other questions!
For control, maybe.

I honestly find
     those types of questions to be
very immature.

You already know
     she finds you to be a great
and attractive guy.

Wait... so you mean he's
     NOT just a really really
really good driver?

fixed, sorry about
     that I had no idea
where he ended up.

Can we just have ONE
     nice thing before you creepy
fucks show up? Fuck off.

He's a big baby
     and loves to piss all over
everything he owns.

Goodnight folks. the fire
     was the official reason
for the collapse though.

They got something right.
     Suck it up and find something
else to hate them for.

I no longer get
     pelted with extra wetness
when it's pouring rain.

It is so weird how
     big of a difference makeup
can change a person.

Why should anyone
     make a decision based on
just one data point?

Better photo please.
     A clear shot of its eyes would
be the most helpful.

And statistically,
     many are going to be
repeatedly missed.

I think I forgot
     to mention that but I'm not
sure that it matters.

Actually had to pour
     myself a drink to answer
this one honestly.

Friends come and go, but
     abject failure is tougher
to negotiate.

That year, that mileage,
     is way more than anyone
is paying for them.

Determination
     and having very clear what
you want. holly shit!!!!!!

Suicide? Dire Straits'
     Juliet. In bed? Who Wants
to Live Forever.

But then something has
     happened to me recently
that changed everything.

They have literally
     every other size but that.
Thanks for the link though.

[deleted] it could,
     but i think people will be
annoyed regardless.

I have watched it from
     the very 1st episode.
The wait fucking blows.

What horrible lives
     people must live when something
so small "offends" them.

Oh and also I'm
     not arguing a complete
ban of cigarettes.

I've burnt my eyebrows
     and nose hair before. Not cool.
It really isn't.

Games like Dave Mira
     & Tony Hawk changed my life.
Gotta have good hair.

Oh the nostalgia.
     [deleted] Hey Jude isn't
on the White Album.

If you go into
     something expecting a bad
time, well, chances are....

He basically rides
     around in one of these vans
all day every day.

Razors near my balls
     just scare the shit out of me.
Please give some insight.

Everybody thinks
     that people only delete
comments out of shame.

I just like the way
     he says "*and MORE...*" It's... shaggy.
Scooby is the dog.

Equating female
     and male circumcision is
pure insanity.

Just as that happens
     my mom calls out for me, says
she has a surprise.

I bet you're the one
     who fucking took her, aren't you?
Evil fairy king.

Dammit, the title
     gave it away and I'm still
crying from laughter.

He understood types
     and made me earn my victories.
Great way to teach dad!

As for the coldness,
     I usually take the cold
and hurry to class.

Slipping around on
     the somewhat icy path is
sometimes a problem.

Money is what makes
     players and ALLOWS players
to become their best.

You don't understand
     my perspective, as you made
very evident.

Good accuracy
     at range and competitive
up close. I love it.

[deleted] I switched
     to anonymous browsing
and it fucking rocks.

Genetics, for sure.
     And a good diet low on
greasy, processed foods.

Tell me what you think.
     I've seen plenty of people
with missing fingers.

Covenant greatly
     affect who you can summon
and who will invade!

I feel terrible
     for the people who loved him.
I know they exist.

It's insane how fast
     things will rust over here when
not taken care of.

I agree. This show
     does nothing but irritate
the fuck out of me.

Baking is awesome.
     I should bake more. A little
empty there so far.

Probably easier
     to find spare parts for it on
the moon anyhow.

If someone messes
     with the doc, we can always
just revert changes.

same problem in Oz
     Thanks, off to see if I can
find it then! [How cute.

Are you serious?
     Honestly, buying in bulk
is the cheapest way.

Hence obesity
     taking over as the worst
cost to public health.

As for how they "get
     away with it" it's simple:
Most people don't care.

I guess I like Dark
     Souls too much. Best game ever
in my opinion.

I saw Phyllis from
     The Office too. Wow Dan saved
his ass. AMAZING.

I knew something was
     off about this picture, but
I wasn't sure what.

I just pluck it off
     and check every now and then
to see if it's there.

I honestly didn't
     know tailored trends existed
until your post. Thanks!

While I'm sure you've "got
     your reasons", perhaps you should
reexamine them.

Now that I know how
     to do this I am gonna
make so many shirts!

Cheers! I would highly,
     highly recommend Jamie's
Ministry of Food.

I would eat your food
     then leave my dirty dishes
unclean in your sink.

They also cost close
     to what I could make a month
without insurance.

It's a slow process,
     lots of hours put in to it,
to just barely pass.

It was one of those
     maps where it's absolutely
the last place you look.

The stars are being
     consumed by the void and their
lights are going out.

And smart with a low
     tolerance of people who
don't have common sense.

The underside would
     be a mixture of small red
and small black patches.

I think your problem
     is just to try and improve
yourself socially.

Again kinda odd.
     And then he goes into how
explosives weren't used.

That's why comforting
     myths are created, to make
people feel better.

For a warrior type,
     strength is just straight up better
than dexterity.

You deserve to be
     happy, just like she does, just
like anyone does.

Saying karma is
     worthless is just like saying
diamonds are worthless.

Is there inherent
     worth in most diamonds, as there
is in say... corn? No.

I'll be very sad
     if I can't keep it. No. Stay.
I like the reference.

Not just any weed
     humor, stupid weed humor.
Where will he strike next?

That's fair enough, well
     what you've made is fantastic
anyway, thank you.

The last thing we want
     is to make the kill list, hence
the hesitation.

Hell, if someone yelled
     at me for not believing
in God, go for it.

You should submit just
     the groom on a blank background.
Let them just go nuts.

It's still a hot mess
     with a TON of hair algae,
but it's getting there.

Oh ok. Figures,
     I'm finishing my Masters
this year. Shit. Happens.

You will now never
     not see Cranston's oversized
flame proof hands again.

You can try the Tombs,
     I have no idea if
you'll get much action.

got one, its clip is
     larger than max ammo Some
slaves were treated well.

The worst they can do
     is offer him a contract
and see what he says.

I'm a volleyball
     player and I'm wondering
how you set the ball.

They have to pay them,
     unless they break the contract.
This goes everywhere.

Corporations are
     inhuman and should not be
considered human.

As for your question,
     I don't think anyone else
can tell you but her.

If you could tell me
     more about these Keg Brawls, I'd
be appreciative.

You can cook pasta
     pretty damn quickly and just
mix in some sauce WHAM!

[deleted] My mom
     always gets them in the cars
outside (in the doors).

After a couple
     days I tried turning it on
and it actually worked!

so good, that it makes
     most others look not so great
in comparison.