Reddit Haikus

Can you explain why
     anything with mass cannot
move faster than light?

Nobody dies if
     our practice or performance
is sour for a day.

This obviously
     can apply to other times
in history as well.

[You're butchering seals
     not because you're hungry but
for the hell of it?

Hit me up if you
     want to know more, I love me
some weird sea critters.

Why not put the odds
     in my favor and be cool,
calm and collected?

Im considering
     buying the shoe but I just
want those damn laces!

Nah, Sims has always
     been good at treading that line
fairly carefully.

I went there a while
     ago and it was still up.
Couldn't agree more.

A situation
     that simply does not exist
in other countries.

Shaking a woman's
     hand the same as a man's just
feels awkward to me.

I know scientists are
     working on growing meat, not
sure on the progress.

And again, please don't
     blame yourself for the choices
you made in the past.

(you cant skip it) That's
     just escorting his cousin
to his apartment.

I would like to move
     into practice which is why
I came here for help.

I wonder what those
     who went through the Holocaust
would think about that.

Zionists like you
     are the one's who are shaming
the Jewish people.

Run to far point, knock
     off, heal, rinse repeat soon you
have it capped. then leave.

A customer is
     not right when they're bothering
other customers.

To be perfectly
     honest, people that stupid
shouldn't be rescued.

So he had a whole
     bunch of rowdy friends throw him
his huge bucks party.

It only works when
     you are human, that's probably
the problem you have.

I guess she really
     wanted to have sex with me
or something. Who knows?

Would not use. The stat
     comparison at the end
showed Rod was better.

Hobbies. How did you
     spend your free time when you did
have a group of friends?

He has proposed no
     bills and has file no lawsuits.
Stop sucking his dick.

been looking to see
     where it says that it drops calls
when transitioning.

Have fun, be playful,
     and don't be afraid to push
your social limits.

Quit your job and do
     that shit. Step Number. Take risks.
That's how shit happens.

The best way to "fix"
     what we know to be broken
is to not use it.

Tell me what you see!
     [deleted] Double, not twice,
and die, not dice. Thanks!

Portal I really
     like the *different* colors you
used on this chapter.

I have had a few
     close relatives pass away
in the past few years.

Maybe that's why you
     like consoles but I like them
for the exclusives.

But, until then, it's
     always good practice to just
think before you speak.

It got bloated years
     ago That gave me a good
laugh and made my day.

When it's one that's made
     from loops, you can usually
tell within seconds.

It's going to be
     really interesting to see
how this progresses.

Movie producers
     are really fucking running
out of ideas.

It's that kind of place.
     ok im ready to trade
Here, have another!

And how come you can
     last longer masturbating
than when having sex??

No one stops loving
     that quickly and she doesn't
want you to be hurt.

Basically I get
     the things I want done before
I open the gates.

Decent advice here.
     You should test your lawn and see
how bad the soil is.

Also it would be
     good to know what type of grass
you currently have.

Nobody will know
     any of these subs, except
for about seven.

People moved into
     the area KNOWING there
was a base right there.

Why do I always
     have to adjust my shower
head in the morning?

Okay!" My girlfriend
     has never gotten so close
to murdering me.

Is your phone charging?
     I only have issues when
plugged into power.

Oh yeah, they have short
     attention spans so we don't
want to wait too long.

[deleted] Lulu
     looks horrified I probably
would've thrown the rock.

so she just phones me
     before she signs anything
and runs it past me.

You should continue
     to spend your valuable time
griping about it.

Also, when and where
     did it become apparent
that he's a cheater?

[deleted] I liked
     Gerard Butler and nothing
else in that movie.

Important enough,
     though I don't personally much
care for politics.

And isn't every
     day that isn't Labor Day
"after Labor Day"?

I now have to ask
     every match I play alone
if they speak english.

Also, I feel like
     standards for being stylish
are lower on wards.

Instead of fighting
     for privacy, I decide
to fight biases.

And why do they run
     to puke on the carpet too?!
That was some weird crap.

Otherwise, any
     ideas as to what else
ia causing it?

So, since you have no
     argument, more name calling.
I'm done. Interesting.

I am pretty sure
     I am not the only short
person you have met.

That's a dangerous
     belief based on extremely
shaky premises.

That's exceptional.
     Well done! [deleted] We are
watching it happen!

Get friends and family
     to help you edit and make
your essays better.

For items you must
     use, what do you do until
you get them? Naked?

Ok. I have two
     already so I think I'll
pass for now. Thanks though.

The submarine is
     sinking, come on get some rum
but don't get too drunk.

But then you're going
     to say which ones I wouldn't,
then when I tell you.

Cheers :D [deleted]
     Oh God, the "Bottle was switched"
stories I could tell.

When Curse started not
     doing so well they just had
to find a scapegoat.

I heard some people
     don't care about the karma.
Pretty crazy, huh?

Right in the feels. Shit,
     dude, you bought a house without
doing your homework?!

But when it's someone
     else's wedding, they can do
what they want. You know?

Please tell me I'm not
     going mental and making
this up?!? Exactly.

Well that would make sense.
     I've been using my ashtray
for that purpose. Thanks!

My point is that you
     can't measure all forms of worth
with a dollar sign.

He **DEFENDED** it.
     He's just as responsible
to me as Congress.

Totally took us
     off guard, got us all looking
the wrong way, then BAM!

He's probably the most
     hated person in my school.
You're damn right it was.

Seems legit. Would you
     mind trick me? I'd mind trick me.
I'd mind trick me hard.

wow, it is going
     to be a long time before
I can take that on.

There are core concepts
     that a God has to obey
to be called a God...

Craziest comeback
     I ever had and I will
never forget it.

4th and Franklin.
     Yeah it's trashy, but at least
the parking sucks too.

You have to open
     minds before you can explain
the details of why.

It is possible
     that your had bruised your fatty
tissue in your heel.

And the Film Actors
     Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong
Il is an asshole.

The scenario
     I'm picturing in my head
is painfully cute.

STEAM. HINTING. BUY IT.
     These articles are really
starting to bug me.

Those people have had
     some very precious beliefs
ripped out of their hearts.

They detailed that there
     will be settings so you can
decide when it's on.

The guy who makes them
     said he'll make a video
on how to sand them.

Maybe that guy off
     the talk show, I think he's called
Leno or something?

Ha, fair point. I broke
     the rules, so I'll delete it.
It's just not funny.

Just tell her how you
     feel, and how much you enjoy
spending time with her.

Previous nickname
     was king999 which is about ten
times more horrible.

If this is really
     true, I would definitely
like to see a source.

I just can't see why
     everyone doesn't love her.
Best. Movie. Ever.

Last weeks episode
     was insane, would love to see
if they can top it.

It's still true even
     if you discount the civil
war entirely.

It looks like despite
     being underwater you're
inside of a box.

I hit a decent
     shot from the tee and it was
all downhill from there.

People have getting
     their cocks hard on privacy
before this happened.

It looked like Tim could
     have grabbed that if he put more
effort into it.

That's why I wasn't
     able to get a normal
girl in the first place.

This woman doesn't
     need her life ruined, she needs
professional help.

What we need to do
     is devise a different game
plan to throw them off.

He says we wouldn't
     treat alcoholics the way
we treat drug users.

"Dirty" bombs are far
     less destructive than normal
nuclear weapons.

Man were we suckers.
     Sure he admitted it but
he also said why.

Are you sure? I swear
     i've played a normal account
on this already.

Do they like bury
     themselves in mud or something?
WHERE DA TURTLES AT!?

There's nothing about
     short wavelengths that says they are
inherently blue.

Living on Scott is
     also very convenient
to get to Solon.

Don't assume that you
     in particular do, but
there are some that would.

You know, get your mind
     off work n' stuff That's a great
perspective to have.

Will there be a place
     I can watch the conferences
after they happen?

But what if you don't
     want your game to pause every
time someone calls you?

Did you read the thread
     where I replied to what you
wrote that's on topic?

Only pray over
     my meals before I tell them
dinner is ready?

Also completely
     avoiding what I said but
just calling it false.

Maybe carry mace
     with you, but that can always
be turned against you.

I still think we need
     to be careful with the date
we do this on though.

D:** He said that? *waves*
     I don't. I have quite a few
friends that don't either.

Trying to figure out
     how to make more food only
makes the problem worse.

This score seems to be
     on the high side relative
to other reviews.

Oh well. Stupid is
     as stupid does. Moving on.
It happened on base.

It's an awesome tour
     and is well worth a visit
if you have the time.

If they want a say,
     either climb up said corporate
ladder or buy stock.

*Your mouth moves only
     with someone's hand up your ass*
Bourbon is whiskey.

Why I don't like cheese
     No idea, I don't know
the rules of her job.

Some people can drink
     enough to black the fuck out
and still not get sick.

Creed Bratton Saying
     that last phrase alone would mark
you as a white knight.

I think the Mathews
     Chill is the best all around
bow they make today.

Oh my god that is
     the perfect plan, I don't know
if I can wait though.

You *can* play without
     paying, but you're practically
in spectator mode.

I'm even saving
     your post to reference later.
Wonderful. Thank you!

Very nice, why some
     are happy, some with eyes closed?
Are they the dead ones?

It was all jaw lines
     for me. Down vote for your post.
What utter bullshit.

My boyfriend got his
     pinky stuck trying to take off
my bra the first time.

No, this is a sure
     way to short your computer.
Install standoffs NOW.

I was at a friends
     and I was stoned for longer
than I thought id be.

I has no effects
     on your performance unless
you are really ripped.

Or you could wear pants
     like anyone who takes their
job seriously.

I guess I can't see
     how one can remain neutral
on this issue though.

I think every game
     that I buy I put a few
hundred hours into.

I set my laptop
     up nicely on the counter
that I can see it.

Was there not enough
     hot water to go around
or something or what?

The others I am
     fine just casually hanging
out and talking with.

[deleted] Please do!
     Just tell them to make as much
noise as possible.

There was violence
     happening in front of a child
and you allowed it?

Maybe it was mom
     and dad, I don't care, I'm not
supporting his ass.

If I stretch them out,
     I can fit like three of me
in them. They're awesome.

If you don't, it goes
     to collections and gets on
your credit report.

Edit: I somehow
     had no idea how wrong
that sounded. Jiffy!

I would like to know
     when he did his screen looking.
If he actually did.

Perfection. Yeah, thanks,
     we've been looking into that.
Is that what you did?

[deleted] Karns please
     stop getting yourself into
these situations...

[deleted] Really,
     this needs to be of interest
to all tax payers.

In the meantime, I've
     simply chosen friends who are
interested in it.

Thank you sir! Wow, you're
     just being deliberately
obtuse at this point.

I think it's that I'm
     worried about committing
to the wrong person.

TIL his real name is
     Ethan [deleted] That's what
I have my cat for.

Perhaps, but Duffy
     got the outright boot for much,
much than that, didn't he?

Single Copy, wired.
     A bit of a pain but not
the worst thing ever.

You think your little
     pathetic life will always
be peachy and sweet?

If you don't really
     like that, what about a large
back piece of a swan?

So he was still wrong
     in saying they would never
change the uniforms.

Impressive. Did you
     major in hyperbole,
or are you self taught?

Beautiful! I think
     anyone could understand
what's good about it.

-Have you ever walked
     into a car dealership
and said, "Hey salesman.

i think he does, or
     maybe that is just info
from the ships system?

A swarm of wasps Yeah,
     it was a gig for a big
radio station.

My next trip is on
     the Columbia River
in Washington State.

I bleed heavily
     and have never stained the bed
because I do this.

As a baritone,
     I sound awful on any
recordings I've made.

To a women, what's
     the difference between cumming
and an orgasm?

They are listed on
     the sidebar and an easy
way to meet people.

[deleted] You didn't
     say anything other than
construct a *straw man*.

Everyone was blood
     thirsty to kill terrorists
don't you remember?

A. Gary Hart was
     not one of the all time or
even his time. B.

It was a joke, but
     I wont be surprised if its
already happening.

Bike fit has a lot
     to do with how long you can
ride, comfortably.

Using this man's, there
     is no scientific proof,
so there is no God.

Never can have too
     much freedom Voting doesn't
fucking work. Wake up.

Or better yet, just
     give us a super option:
$X.00 gives everything.

But I love my car
     I just hate how much it is
to keep up with it.

Nice work im open
     Mark Twain, Nikola Tesla,
Mozart, Da Vinci.

Cause I don't know when
     to expect said twist, or what
the twist is! And thanks!

The game will prompt you
     to get the next one ready
when it's taken one.

Said obviously
     by someone who has never
stepped foot in Japan.

"All of us do time
     in the gutter, dreamers turn
to look at the cars.

There is no pretense.
     They genuinely believe
this to be rational.

If I'm home, she wants
     to lick me in the same spot
over and over.

It's nothing to do
     with dancing around the rules.
I broke none at all.

Saying I'm blaming
     eating more on the baby.
Are you kidding me?

Why did she not say
     that she was dating someone
when he mentioned that.